I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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