butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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