Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
