watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They left me at home... I'm a liability
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
