Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
