if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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