My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
