Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
