Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
