I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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