I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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