So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
