i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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