Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
a search helicopter?!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
