I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
