i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
