you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
