Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
