im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
