Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
