Can i not drive my cunt home
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
