I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
