my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
