Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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