i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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