My Higher Power is John Stamos
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
