i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
