I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
