i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
