Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
