is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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