Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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