I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
