I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
