she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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