from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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