y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
