I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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