Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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