is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My dick has a subreddit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
