I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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