Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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