At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
