new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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