hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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