i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
