We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Someone signed my nipple.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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