Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
