:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
