You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
