I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
