Whod you bang
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
