thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
