come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
